On Alchemy

I am becoming.

I shed layer upon layer of trauma, becoming light in the process. Drawing ever closer to who I always was. Who I will always be. That soft voice inside grows louder, more insistent. I remember- first in fragments. I collect tiny pieces of the cosmic puzzle, and as they grow in number, I grow in strength.

I breathe in, a slow deep breath, and start to fit it all together.

As the fragments become larger parts of the whole, my soul smiles at me like a proud mother watching her child learn their way about the world. Sometimes I grow tired of searching for the missing pieces and retreat into self pity, self loathing. Sometimes, I am overwhelmed with the complexity of the task. Still my soul smiles back at me from the end point, for it sees me in the radiance of my perfection, in my full remembrance; and though it can’t show me, it urges me ever onward.

This is my alchemy. This is my Great Work. This is what I came here to do. I allow the pain to absorb me, to take me to great depths of despair; so that I may reach ever greater heights of understanding, in its transmutation. I allow the ugliness to possess me, so that I may experience the true magnitude of my beauty. With my tears I cleanse myself, and with the white heat of my rage I purify myself, letting it burn all that I’m not to ashes; leaving behind only what is true, what is real. Ever deeper I dive into the darkness. I push through the fear and the pain so that I may bring all of my shadow into the light of my awareness. So that I may stand unafraid in my wholeness. So that I may know my true power and my worth.

All is transformed in light of awareness. Fear becomes love. Suffering becomes beauty. Pain becomes power and grief, appreciation. So it is.

Slowly, I remember. And in my remembering, I am become all that I already was.

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art of trauma
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