anticipating the ocean

You heal in waves. It comes over you, takes you. Washes you clean in ecstasy and pain, makes you new. The chains around you loosen. You fall back, you stretch out and you’re a swan, and you are a river of gratitude, flowing fully with itself.

Anticipating the ocean.

And it hurts, but it’s ok. You’re under there, still. Scared and ravaged by the storm. The healing takes you and you know you must let go, but what if your head gets dashed off a rock? And how will you breathe?

My darling, you haven’t even learned to breathe yet. You’ve never breathed.

What if you just let go, for once? What if you let go and your head pops up to the surface of a majestic lake at dusk? What if you take a blessed lungful of that delicious air, open your eyes and turn in the water to see the fire and the dancing? What if you let go, and your ears are filled with strange and beautiful music? And oh, the joyous laughter! The air spiced with incense and possibilities!

You make your way back to the party as you feel those lungs drinking in all that new-found oxygen, your muscles already craving the warmth of the fire and the friendship.

And you’ll know then, what breathing is.

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art of trauma
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